Wrong lessons learned

[cmdr_zoom]

I spent the first 20 years or so of my life trying to convince myself that I didn't care what people thought of me, that I didn't need friends, that I was fine being alone with my books, etc. You can imagine how well that worked out (some of you got to see it in person). But it seemed logical enough to me at the time: if the stove keeps burning you, stop touching it.

That just stops the pain, though. Not the need. Which builds up until you do something stupid... again.

Comments

[caluche.livejournal.com]

I've long thought that no one should be held responsible for anything they've thought or said before the age of 30.

It's interesting that you thought you didn't need friends - for as long as I've known you you've always put a very high emphasis on social activity, even if it wasn't traditional social activity. You were in computer labs MUDding at all hours, you maintain quite a presence on the net, detailing various aspects of your life and hobbies, etc.

True loners don't mind packing up and vanishing into the deep wilderness for years, you aren't they type that does that.

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

Making friends is hard; keeping them is work; losing them hurts. Life would be much simpler without them.

Also, emotions are scary and powerful and make me irrational. Better get rid of those too, or at least suppress and hide them, like the Vulcans.

Simplify, simplify, simplify. Anything which causes discomfort is to be avoided. "If thine eye offend thee..."

[biomekanic.livejournal.com]

Well, it seems to me, you've acknowledged the wrong lesson.

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

Exactly. But it wasn't until about the age of 22 that I was able to do so. Since then I've gotten a little better at managing my emotional side, and a lot better at admitting when I can't.