Ten years and change (lots of it, in fact)

[cmdr_zoom]

The ten year anniversary of my first posts to LiveJournal was back in June. I forgot to mark it at the time, which I regret; but on the other hand, things that have happened since (or which soon will) have given me further perspective.


At the time I began my journal, I was living with and taking care of my father. All told, I did that for about two years until his care needs became more than I could handle and it became necessary to place him in foster care. He lingered on for almost a decade after that, living a life that I must admit was not too different from my own: small and simple with a daily routine, spent mostly in his rooms, with his comforts and/or addictions.

My mother's illness was much more surprising, her decline more sudden. Six months of warning and treatment, three weeks bedridden, and then... no more. So little, compared to the time we thought we had and wished for. We had to make the most of what we got.

Six months later, I'm going through that again, with the game I've spent a good part of the past eight years playing. City of Heroes is being shut down just over a month from now, and its passing is hitting a lot of the same notes for me. Many have already stopped logging in; they've moved on to other things, or don't want to sit vigil at the bedside, or both.

Waiting for me at home is a ballot which I need to fill out and deposit in a mailbox - my infinitesimal personal contribution to determining the course my country may take over the next four years or longer. Whatever the result, in just four months my job is going away, and I'm back to looking for a new one before my savings run out. So there's a lot of uncertainty in my life right now, more than I'd like.

In those past ten years, I've worked for three lawyers (and, briefly, the university), been a temp and a seasonal hire, and spent years out of work. I've made new friends, and lost a few, with ill-considered words I wish I could take back but never can. I've seen wonders and tragedy, felt joy and loss. And I've seen LiveJournal itself change, through several changes of ownership, into something very different than it was in 2002, when I needed an invite code from a friend to get an account.

As will be noted at the bottom, I'm not even composing this entry on LJ, but on Dreamwidth. I haven't migrated there entirely, not yet... but with every year, and every decision to remove options and change things that weren't broken, to rebrand itself to be more like other sites that didn't exist when I joined, to pursue users in other countries and demographics... that decision gets closer. There's less and less keeping me on LJ.

I have a complex and conflicted relationship with social networking. I'm not a very extroverted person by nature; I don't feel a strong urge to go to parties or clubs, or keep everyone informed in the day-to-day events of my life. But as I finally acknowledged in my college and post-college years, I am a social creature; I do have social needs. It's not enough to spend all my time in my bedroom, or to write everything down in a truly private journal. I do want to have contact with other people (on my terms), I do want my thoughts to be heard and/or commented upon, I do seek the recognition and approval of others. So, if LJ or CoH or ____ go away, I need something to replace them.

I don't like change. It's scary. I tend to resist it as long as I can. But there are times when that's not possible. And like it or not, I just have to go with it and try to make the most of what I get.

Comments

[caluche.livejournal.com]

Do you have any good idea as to why you resist change? From a functional standpoint, what does livejournal give you that google+ or Facebook don't?

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

1. In no particular order: I'm sentimental; "this wasn't broken, why change it? just for the sake of?"; neither I nor my family has ever had a lot of money so I'm reluctant to throw things out as long as they're still at all functional; I like routine, the familiar, having a stable foundation that I don't need to think or worry about so that I can put my time and attention to other things; and because of all of the above, change is often not of my own choice but something forced or imposed upon me, something being taken away. I am "a creature of hobbit." :/

2. in my opinion and perception: LJ has the people who I want to see and be seen by already using it (networking effect). LJ (and Dreamwidth) operate on the "journal" or "blog" model/metaphor/conceit, which is different from what seems to underlie sites like G+ or FB and especially Tumblr (which seems to have a default of "look at this picture I wanted to share - I might explain why, but usually I'll just pass it along without any comment or context or explanation!"). G+, FB and other "modern" social networking sites seem to thrive (and profit, literally) on the breakdown of privacy and boundaries, on oversharing, and generally assuming that there are no times and no people to whom one might not want to be completely exposed. I want a diary that I might occasionally allow certain people to peek at, not a fridge covered with snapshots, nor a whiteboard in a public space, and definitely not a huge billboard (sponsored by ____, for the very reasonable price of your immortal soul).

[caluche.livejournal.com]

If you want stability in the internet social world you're doing something wrong by being associated with the internet at all. Everything comes and goes and there's not much in the way of expense for you to switch, or add, G+ or Facebook. Of course it's your own decision but it's just a little amusing you associate cost with change even when there is no cost.

I think both G+ and Facebook could be treated almost exactly the same way as you are treating livejournal.

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

I took your first question in the general sense, including the real world, as I do tend to resist change in all venues for the reasons described. That said, even "free" services have some cost - in this case, how much personal information am I willing to give up to people whose real business is not in providing the service, but in selling the info of those who make use of it. TANSTAAFL.

[caluche.livejournal.com]

I think the only thing that you're required to give up for facebook is your real name, everything else is voluntary. I don't want to feel like a facebook pusher or anything, I'm sure it's day will come too. I think I started commenting on this whole thing just because you not only resist change but are very proud of the fact that you don't like change, which is fine. The world is changing around you though, and with as with some of my other luddite acquaintances it's difficult to even keep up with and make contact with you (typing this into a non-native mobile browser form for example).

I'm not sure the language came out right there. I guess it can be summed up with: if Compuserve were still around, would you still be on it even though the rest of the world moved on?

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

Very possible. I still maintain a subscription to a USEnet server (mostly for certain binary groups, though torrents have largely supplanted their role); an email address which I've had for nigh 20 years; a landline phone with a physical (tape) answering machine; do not have a mobile phone, let alone a "smart" one...
And for a good part of the late 90s and early 00s, I was involved with a fan squadron that started on the CS "FSFORUM" (Flight Sim Forum).

I do try new things, from time to time, but I also cling to the old. I have binders and stacks of CDs of old games (many now also owned on Steam), a VHS library that I've yet to get around to converting/rebuying in DVD, let alone Blu-Ray...

And thus you see my issue, though of course I perceive it as a problem I have with the rest of the world. :/

[caluche.livejournal.com]

I imagine a stone age tech world full of cmdr_zooms would remain in the stone age perpetually and the residents of that hypothetical world would be blissfuly content there. The first resident to bind a stone to a stick and call it a hammer would be run out of town for his unconventional ways. It's not really the invention or realization that it's possible for a new technology to change life and civilization, but the adoption of that technology and demand for it by the general public.

I'm actually a little surprised you have a computer at all.

"let alone Blu-Ray" is funny in and of itself, as even that technology is, I think, being left behind for on-demand streaming of whatever it is you might happen to want to watch. It's a hell of a lot faster to press three or four things on your appleTV than it is to drive to the store and get a bluray.

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

Tch. As you well know, I was/am not always this way. I was enthusiastic about computers when you knew me, and still am. If I have become more conservative in my adulthood, I am hardly alone.

(Also, run out of town? Hardly. I'd simply keep using my stone without any fancy handle, thank you. I like the way it fits in my hand and it smashes things just fine as it is. Do what you like, just don't take away the tool I'm familiar with.)

I use torrents, youtube, Steam, etc etc; I'm just very reluctant to give up any of my tried-and-true things because something newer comes along, unless it is clearly superior (and even then, I'll procrastinate and drag my feet, as I have my routine and such things don't fit in it anywhere).

Consider also that while there's not a lot of cost (other than time, etc) in changing online services, replacing and upgrading most other things every time a new model or format comes along does get expensive. I have spent most of my childhood and adult life without a lot of money; thrift is a virtue in such circumstances.